Joke #3635

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Vote:
has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Vote:
has 54.55 % from 260 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, husband, marriage, time
Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, theyre finally together. One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
Vote:
has 83.79 % from 577 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, kids, marriage, women
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer. His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted". He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough." His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?" He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
Vote:
has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, friendship, marriage, mean
I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
Vote:
has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon. Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport. A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk. The manager asks why his wife has left the island. "Were you not having a good time?" The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."
Vote:
has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
Vote:
has 84.90 % from 1180 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, sex, wife
A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, "How am I supposed to know? We're 200 miles inland!" and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks, "Sweetheart, who was that?" "I don't know,some dumb bitch asking if the coast is clear."
Vote:
has 63.16 % from 364 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Vote:
has 85.57 % from 2103 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife, women
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat. The women just won’t leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay more to the left." After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"
Vote:
has 78.88 % from 379 votes. More jokes about: car, marriage, mother in law, wife
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
Vote:
has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: bar, marriage, men, single