Joke #3635

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
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Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Some strangers sit at the bar. One guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG." Another guy asks, "What's that?" The first guy says, "I am a Single, New Age Guy." Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK." A lady asks, "What's that?" He says, "Double Income, No Kids." The lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE." Larry asks, "A WIFE?" Gertrude says, "Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."
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has 51.25 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A couple has been married for many years, and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts. "But how am I going to get bigger breasts?" she asks. "That’s simple." he says, "Just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day." "And that would do it?" the surprised wife wonders. "Well," answers the husband, "it sure did work on your behind!"
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has 55.13 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted. I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash." Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, IT, marriage, technology
A wife sending a short message to her husband: It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I'm worried about you!. Please, give me a ring...
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has 51.28 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, ugly, wife
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, fart, marriage, mean, sex
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings": * The Engagement Ring * The Wedding Ring * The Suffe-Ring * The Endu-Ring
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has 57.04 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: life, love, marriage, wedding
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: ‘If you were my husband I’d poison your brandy.’ Churchill: ‘If you were my wife I’d drink it.’
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has 51.00 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking? ‘Eighty per cent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.’ Jackie Mason
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has 62.37 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: marriage