There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest..
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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When you have a man staring at a naked Playboy model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!
Two gays were at a dance.
As they were jigging about the floor with each other.
Two massive guys entered the hall 6 foot 6 20 stone and full of muscle One gay asked his mate "Is that the bouncers that have just come in?"
"No" grinned the other,"That's the raffle."
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?
A: Who knows it's never been done.
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be.
What should I do?”
The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure.
When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.”
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner.
He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey?
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'