Joke #5598

Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So guys can be open-minded.
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Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
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A couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
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A man bought a new car. Next day he is driving his car to office. On the way he was waiting for the Signal. Suddenly he opened the door and got down. Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, "How much should I pay to turn right?" The Policeman was astonished and asked, "Why are you asking like this?" Then man showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road: "Free Left Turn"
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How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.
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I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
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What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1) No mind. 2) No business.
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Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
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Q: How big is a Republican-size bed? A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
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Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
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