Why does a penis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.
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My wife was dying.
I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright."
"No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!"
"I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
There was an ad in the newspaper:
An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor.
The photo of the tractor is required.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested.
After that, He creaed man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.