Joke #3640

I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions'
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Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
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A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.
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An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me." Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."
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The man pulled over to the side of the road when he saw the police lights in his rear view mirror. “How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asked the officer. “Oh, no!” screamed the man, jumping out of the car. “Calm down, it isn’t that serious.” said the officer. “Wait’ll my family finds out.” “Where’s your family?” “They’re in the trailer that was hitched to the car!”
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Doc, I think I need to wear glasses Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.
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At the grammy awards Beyonce said to Justin Bieber, "What song would u sing of mine justin?" Justin said, "If I were a boy."
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Patient: "Doctor, I can’t sleep." Doctor: "Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off."
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There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”" The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine." The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"
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Without you I can't breath. I love you so much my nose.
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We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
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