A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
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Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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Do you know what a plateau is?
It's the highest form of flattery!
Why don’t all the managers go into holiday at once?
So people can’t see that the company works without them..
John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
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How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize?
Cause he was outstanding in his field.
How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
A priest passed near a young boys gang that were hanging out next to the church.
He went close to them and asked them: "What are you boys doing there?"
"Not much, Father. We are playing a game in which however says the biggest lie about his sexual life, wins!"
"Oh, boys!" surprised said the priest. "When I was your age I wasn’t even thinking about sex!"
And the boys unanimously: "You won, Father!"
Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist.
And the cardiologist: "Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"