Joke #3660

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the bell, and waits for the receptionist to come out. He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Why It Sucks to Be an Egg... You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.

Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Get to know your mate. If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front. And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up. Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"

Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? A: Hoppalong Cassidy.

Baby, at midnight we celebrate one year from the last time you kissed me. Look how time files!

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"