Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’
Boy: ‘I’m not.
I’m just holding it.
It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’
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What's a rabbits favorite book?
Hop on Pop.
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head.
The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
Q: What's long and thin and covered with skin and nobody knows how many holes its been in.
A: A worm.
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He was a rough rider!
YOUR MOMS HOUSE IS SO POOR I WENT TO KNOCK ON HER DOOR AND A ROACH TRIPPED ME AND A RAT TOOK MY WALET.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Vote:
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common?
You can't f**k with either one.
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas.
He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.