What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles: there is a mile between the first and last letters! 
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A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man.
He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him.
"I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue.
"Of course!" the 1st guy exclaims, "here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too."
Their exchange continues:
1st: "Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?"
2nd: "St. Catherine Street. And you?"
1st: "St. Catherine Street, same as you!"
2nd: "Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?"
1st: "St. Jospeh's Boy's Academy."
2nd: "Son of a bitch, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!"
This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?"
The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunk again."
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
One night 4 MBA students were outing till late night and didn`t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan.
They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days.
They said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the dean.
The dean said that this was a special condition test.
All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks:
Q.1. Write down your name –(2 marks)
Q.2. Which tyre burst — (98 marks)
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.
Billy: Who, me? Teacher: Very good!
One day,little Timmy was at school and heard the word “shit”.
He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him “coats and jackets”.
Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word “fucking”, and for a second time, asked his father what it meant.
His father promptly said “cooking”.
Then,he returned to school the third day and heard the words “bitches and hoes”.
He went home and his father told him it meant “grandpa and grandma”.
Later,on Thanksgiving night,his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee and says: “Hey bitches and hoes! I’ll take your shit to the closet cause dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
Vote:
Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
He wanted to be very clear!
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America.
Shamu: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America?
Ramu: Shamu!
The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
“No sir,” Little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”
Vote:
Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
Two college roommates are about to go to bed.
The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over.
To try and keep quiet, they devise a code.
His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster.
As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "Lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato!"
The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night.
You got mayonnaise in my eye!"