Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69's a mouthful.
Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows? He wanted to be very clear!
Teacher: "I killed a person, tell me this sentence in future tense." Student: "In future tense, You will go to jail."
Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Jenny had an idea. She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. "Let's play schools". "OK!" said Jinny. "But I'm going to be absent."
Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over. To try and keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster. As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "Lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato!" The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night. You got mayonnaise in my eye!"
“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer. “Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
What did the music teacher need a ladder for? To reach the top notes.
Chuck Norris didn't go to school to learn, he went to teach.
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?" What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask? "Do you want fries with that?"
A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital. The weather is terrible. It's raining cats and dogs. Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed. "Jesus Crhist! What an idiot! He will crash if he doesn't slow down!" A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree. He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid. But it's to late. The biker is already dead. He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see. The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!" He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this. He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket. One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off. The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news. It said: "Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."