Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.
A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been? Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Who is little, black and jumps? A flee! But who’s big, black and jumps? Dr. Alban!
What do dogs and women have in common? They both like 12-inch bones.
A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair. "Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take." A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y. The boots are sucked right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is sucked in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets sucked in. Inside he hears noises. "Is someone else in here?" he asks. "Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says. "Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the cowboy says. "Hell," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."
Chuck Norris made Dirty Harry's day.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!