Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
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Dear Husband,
I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me.
Love, Dishes
Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
In an African city, there was a club that all its members had long dicks.
On the other day, an European guy went to register his name in that club.
When he knocked the doorkeeper asked the guy's penis length the guy said:
"Mine is 10 inches long"
The caretaker appeared at the door and begun laughing:
"Here isn't a suitable place for you."
The porter said, "Look at me I 've turned three time my dick around my waist so I'm only a caretaker and you by a baby dick."
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Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.
Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb.
On his penis.
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Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?"
Me: "Mom."
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills.
I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always sound asleep."