A woman asked her lover, "Would you keep f*ck me that much even after marriage?
He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection."
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Q: Why don't witches wear underwear?
A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
A man says to his wife, "Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing."
Wife says, "I dont want to go."
Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se.
Wife pick blow job.
After she sucking for a while she says, "It tastes like sh*t.
Man says, "I know, dog didnt want to go fishing either."
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.
They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight.
They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy.
Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about",
Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch".
Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?"
Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room".
The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch.
This gives Little Johnny a good idea.
Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed.
Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!"
His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
I'll have you saying, "My compliments to the chef" in no time!
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!"
His mom says, "Why?"
And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture.
Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"!
Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep.
He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"?
Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.