Girl: Hey wanna know what gets my pussy wet?
Boy: what? ;)
Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.
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Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around!
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal?
A head hunter!
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day.
The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever.
People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground."
The banana says "You think thats bad?
People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor."
The penis laughs. "You guys have it easy.
You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"
Man comes home to find his 17 yr old daughter with a d*ldo up her.
"What are you doing," he shouts.
"Well you won't let me have a boyfriend so this is my substitute," she explains.
The next night the daughter comes home to find her dad with a d*ldo up his arse
drinking a can of beer, "What are you doing," she shouts.
He replays, "Having a beer with your boyfriend."
Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.