Joke #1487

Girl: Hey wanna know what gets my pussy wet? Boy: what? ;) Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.
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A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up a finger and says, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?” He says, “Smaller?” She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.” She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
Vote: has 68.15 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

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My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
Vote: has 57.01 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

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Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Vote: has 77.74 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, marriage, masturbation, technology, work
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it... Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you. Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl. Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet. Friend: I hate you...
Vote: has 69.67 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

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This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her p*ssy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says,"Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight p*ssy!".
Vote: has 78.81 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

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A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"
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Q: What's the best part about gardening? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
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Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big? A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.
Vote: has 21.10 % from 210 votes. Send joke:

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Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
Vote: has 68.81 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

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