Girl: Hey wanna know what gets my pussy wet?
Boy: what? ;)
Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.
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A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency
open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to
pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?”
asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
Vote:
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom.
One day a women walks into work in a short skirt.
As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says,
“Your hair smells really nice today.”
She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office.
She says,”I want to file a sexual harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened.
The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?”
Furious, she snarls, “He’s a midget!”
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common?
Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton?
A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.