Girl: Hey wanna know what gets my pussy wet?
Boy: what? ;)
Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.
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The manager hired a new secretary.
She was young, sweet and polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?”
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. all I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”
How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
All your tic tacks are gone.
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.
Wife says to husband, "You make love like you decorate."
Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?"
"NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!"
"What medicine?"
"To get another look...!"
Yo momma's clitoris is as long as my dick.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?"
Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."