Joke #3720

A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor. ‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks. ‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, heaven, lawyer, work
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
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has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, medical, money, party
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
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has 59.31 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, lawyer
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
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has 73.22 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: food, lawyer
"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor. "It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, marriage, wife
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
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has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex