‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience.
Between five it’s fantastic!’
Woody Allen
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.
A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone.
So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence.
After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store clerk for help.
The store clerk recommended the "Voodoo D**k."
"How does it work?" asked the businessman.
The clerk unwrapped the Voodoo D**k from its ceremonial tiki box and said to it, "Voodoo D**k that door."
The vibrator flew out of the box and attacked the door with such vigor that the door split in half.
"Fantastic," said the man.
"I'll take it!"
He instructed his wife on how to use the Voodoo D**k and left on his business trip.
Soon, his wife decided to try it out and said the magic words: "Voodoo D**k my p***y."
The Voodoo D**k flew out of the box and gave her orgasm after orgasm.
But soon it became too much, and she couldn't figure out how to make it stop.
So she got into her car and began driving to the hospital, swerving so much that she got pulled over by the police.
The policeman asked her why she was driving so recklessly and she explained to him that she had a Voodoo D**k inside her that wouldn't leave her alone.
The policeman looked at her skeptically and said, "Voodoo D**k, my ass."
A teenage boy overdosed on ten bottles of Viagra.
Not only is he lucky to be alive, he’s lucky not to have taken his eye out.
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss.
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick?
A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
Vote:
Q: What's the worst part about sex?
A: When they wake up!
Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I'd love to spread them!
Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote: