Joke #3756

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
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has 67.28 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, political
The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town; "Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father. "How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, lawyer
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!" "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!" Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But I did send them.", replied the man. "What?" shouted the lawyer. "I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours".
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has 81.94 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: age, death, heaven, lawyer
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 19.23 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, wife
A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer, money, wife
How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore? A good start...
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer