How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
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Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
The boss speaking with the secretary:
Who told you that, if I kissed you a couple of time, you have the right to laze all day long?
My lawyer.
The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town;
"Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father.
"How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
Vote:
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: No fee–If No Recovery!
Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral.
The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.