If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need them.
Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats? A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked. "Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.