If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need them.
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The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with
pictures of favorite lawyers on them.
The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many can you afford?"
Vote:
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Why God did made the snake before lawyers?
To exercise.
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were.
"Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated.
"Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?"
"Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
Discussion between two future lawyers:
I don’t understand why they rejected me!
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients.
What did you tell them?
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands!
You’re hands?
What do you mean?
Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...