Joke #1774

Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
Vote:
has 51.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
Vote:
has 77.47 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, lawyer
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Vote:
has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.' He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked -- the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did -- and all the rats drowned. He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?' 'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer. The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”
Vote:
has 85.12 % from 196 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, travel
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Vote:
has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Vote:
has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: business, lawyer, light bulb, money
In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
Vote:
has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps? A: New Jersey got first pick.
Vote:
has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: geography, lawyer, mean
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Vote:
has 49.26 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher