The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with
pictures of favorite lawyers on them.
The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
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A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower.
After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00.
The lawyer, enraged, says:
“I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!”
“Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
The scene is a dark jungle.
Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey!
Cut it out, all right!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
Two lawyers are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman walking towards them.
‘What a babe,’ one says.
‘I’d sure like to screw her!’
‘Really?’ replies the other.
‘Out of what?’
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers?
A: They grow taller!
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Discussion between two future lawyers:
I don’t understand why they rejected me!
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients.
What did you tell them?
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands!
You’re hands?
What do you mean?
Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"