The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with
pictures of favorite lawyers on them.
The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
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When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before a crime, we call him an accomplice.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after a crime, we call him a defence lawyer.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar.
The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
Vote:
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faces the opposing lawyers.
‘Both of you have given me a bribe,’ he says.
‘You, Tom, gave me £15,000.
And you, Harry, gave me £10,000.’
The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a cheque, and hands it to Tom.
‘I’m returning £5,000, and we’ll now decide this case solely on its merits.’
A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously really angry.
He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, “Asshole attorneys”.
The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying “I want you to know I highly resent that remark”.
“Why, are you an attorney?”
“No, I’m an asshole.”
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor.
Who gets it?
The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.