An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree. They all get out and discuss how to fix the car. The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’ The engineer says, ‘That would take too long. I have my penknife here. I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’ The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.
I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland? A: Nerdic.
I dropped my laptop into the ocean the other day. Now I have a Dell rolling in the deep.
Chuck doesn't have e-mail, he has HE-mail.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
Two programmers after work, talking in a pub: "You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar." - And what did you do ? "I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her." "Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?" "I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop." "Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.