Joke #4196

This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
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has 24.11 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: IT

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One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 85.82 % from 1867 votes. More jokes about: computer, drug, IT, medical, money
An internet maniac boy asks his father: Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: computer, dad, IT
Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet? It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
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has 23.34 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: IT, memory, sport, technology
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, coding, computer, IT
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, IT, phone, technology
A tourist was drowning in the sea: Help! Help! He screams. Very calm the fisherman says: Press F1 already and stop screaming. You’re scaring the fishes away.
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has 23.03 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: fish, IT
What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ? There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!
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has 71.34 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
Chuck Norris invented the internet so that he could reach his enemies, preferably ninjas.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, IT
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
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has 81.16 % from 274 votes. More jokes about: animal, IT, management, money, programmer
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work. To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
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has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: IT