It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
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Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks Funny!
What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?
The hippie girl gets stoned before have sex.
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’
‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other.
‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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Q: Why did Daft Punk spend the night with a Leprechaun?
A: He was "Up all night to get lucky"
Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
Gorgonzola!
Wait, it is not on yet.
A man was talking to his wife about going to the social security office.
He said he would go the next day.
So the next morning he goes but when he gets there he realized he forgot his license and she said that was fine she could tell his age by the hair on his chest. So he opened his shirt and everything went smoothly.
He got home and told his wife what happened and she said: "well honey if you would have pulled down your pants you could have filed for disability."