Joke #3811

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck. My wife is better than that.’ The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know? Your wife IS better.’
Vote: has 78.13 % from 1085 votes. Send joke:

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An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.
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Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer. That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.
Vote: has 68.76 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

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A husband and wife are walking down the street when a beautiful young woman blows the husband a kiss. ‘I met her last week,’ explains the husband. ‘Professionally of course.’ The wife replies, ‘Which profession? Yours or hers?’
Vote: has 64.10 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

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Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile. "Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
Vote: has 79.78 % from 466 votes. Send joke:

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Three prisoners are locked in a cell. One takes out a harmonica and says, ‘At least I can play a little music and pass the time.’ The second prisoner pull out a pack of cards and says, ‘We can play games too.’ The third man pulls out a packet of tampons. ‘Those aren’t much use,’ says the first prisoner. ‘Yes they are,’ says the third prisoner. ‘On the packet it says we can use them to swim, play tennis and ski.’
Vote: has 39.91 % from 82 votes. Send joke:

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Justin. Justin who? Your justin time to wipe my ass!
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Do you like maths? If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Sex is like air – it’s not important until you’re not getting any.
Vote: has 76.66 % from 407 votes. Send joke:

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