Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom? He wanted to keep the swelling down.
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Holy mother, full of grace Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face Bless his hair that tends to curl Keep him safe from all the girls Bless his arms that are so strong Keep his hands where they belong Bless his dick, the one i sucked Bless the bed, in which we fucked And if my Mom happened to walk in Bless the shit I'd be in.
‘Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.’ Fred Allen
What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
Yo momma so fat when I crawl in her pussy I can't find my way out.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you handsome, don't take it as a compliment!
A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy." "OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further. The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?" Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby." His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.