Joke #3796

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.

Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.

A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’

Q. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A. The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.

My sex life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.

A police officer pulls over an elderly female for speeding while driving her husband to a doctors appointment. The officer approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding. She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The husband replies, "He said he stopped you for speeding." The officer asked the elderly female for her driver's license and she turned and asked her husband, "What did he say? The husband replies, "he wants to see your driver's license." The women hands the officer her license and he sees that she is from his old home town. The officer tells the couple that he remembered the town because he had the worst sexual experience of his life there. The women looks at her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The husband replies, "He says he knows you."

Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

Men are like vacations – they never seem to be long enough.

A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: … DAD : Son where were you today during school hours? SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies! DAD : Which one? SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching porno. DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno! (robot slaps dad) MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!