Joke #3833

Mama Bear and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand. The judge says, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies. "He beats me." The judge then asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies. "She beats me too." So the judge says, "So who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear replies, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody."

Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A:Santa stops after three hos.

Chuck Norris can get a touchdown in baseball.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.

There was a school about learning roundhouse kicks. No one finished it. Why? Chuck Norris kicked them with a roundhouse kick. It's his only weakness so no one must know how to do Roundhouse Kick!

What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit? One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.