The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.
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My wife and I have a joint account.
I deposit money and she withdraws it.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man.
"I want a cheese sandwich!"
A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."
The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."
The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again.
"What's going on here?" the man asks.
Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
Vote:
Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
Vote:
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Vote:
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over?
Looking for low prices!
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!