What are the small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Yo moma so fat that when I tried to have sex with her I burned my ass off the lightbulb.
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
Harry is better at sex than anyone he know. Now all he needs is a partner.
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
how come blondes don't wear tampons? so their crabs don't go bungie jumping.
She was hungry for love and didn’t know where her next male was coming from.
I went into the bar the other day & the bartender said: "What'ya have?" I said: "Suprise me." He did, He showed me a naked picture of my wife. I said: "Hey, who said you could mess around with my wife?" "Everyone did" he replied..."
Jones aside. ‘You’re in perfect health,’ he says. ‘Your wife didn’t give me an erection, either.’