What are the small bumps around women’s nipples?
It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
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Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.
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Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?"
The girl says, "A bus."
The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
A boy washed with his mum in the bathroom and saw her vagina and asks:
"what the hell is this".
"It is called a cave" replied the mother.
The next day he washed with his father and saw his dick and asks
"what the heck is this".
"This is called little Johnny".
The next day he went to school and his teacher was mad that he came late to school so she told him to sing a song.
He started to sing
"when the black clouds came out of the mountain little Johnny ran into the cave."
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error.
Not long enough."
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responds the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir.
But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
‘I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.’
Steve Martin
An old couple decide to get married after years of courting.
They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex.
‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée.
‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’
‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom.
‘Was that one word or two?’
A Marine was going in for his physical.
He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend.
After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids.
He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit.
The DR came in.
After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life.
Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.'
Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir."
Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?"
Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?"
The DR. signed the paperwork.
Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."