I’m a very giving lover – I give Green Shield Stamps.
Two friends: Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come? Of course! How many people are coming? Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
Q: How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? A: It’s not hard.
Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity? A: Osama Bin Laiden.
What is 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?". His teacher replies "NO" Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me". "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger". She again says "NO". "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again. "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON" Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Q: How big are the pastro's beds? A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.
The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?" "Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one’s all mine!"