I’m a very giving lover – I give Green Shield Stamps.
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3 Stages of Sex:
1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room.
2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom.
3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.
Q: What's the difference between the first honeymoon and the second?
A: First honeymoon, Niagara. Second honeymoon, Viagra.
Q: How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
A: It’s not hard.
What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a ‘quickie’ but you do it yourself.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Yo moma so fat that when I tried to have sex with her I burned my ass off the lightbulb.
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off.
A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby.
The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me."
"Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man.
"No way, you're disgusting, go away."
The homeless man turns and starts walking away.
The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?"
The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote:
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom.
Because he never f*cks up.
Vote: