Joke #3795

I’m a very giving lover – I give Green Shield Stamps.
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has 24.40 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: sex

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A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog. The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!" The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!" He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears. The crocodile opens its jaws wide. The guy unzips his pants, puts his pecker into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again. The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's pecker. Everybody in the bar is very impressed. To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!" But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged pecker than a hundred dollars. Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice: "I think I can do it!" Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!" The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"
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has 69.85 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dirty, money, sex
I think you’ll find that any of my lady companions will tell you I’m a ‘five times a night man’. I really shouldn’t drink so much tea before I go to bed.
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has 56.81 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: sex
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
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has 72.62 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: age, life, old people, sex, viagra
16 and Pregnant. 15 and Fucking. 14 and Sucking. 13 and Licking. 12 and Fingering. 11 and Touching. 9 and Kissing. 8 and Wondering. Welcome To Our Fucked Up Generation...
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has 77.21 % from 1777 votes. More jokes about: age, sex
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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has 73.58 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game, masturbation, sex
I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
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has 50.35 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.
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has 50.97 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, sex
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand. So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?" and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
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has 61.39 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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has 73.18 % from 385 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
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has 74.01 % from 239 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife