What’s a man’s definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
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A guy's talking to a girl in a bar.
He says, "What's your name?"
She says, "Carmen."
He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"
She says, "No, I named myself."
He says, "Why Carmen?"
She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?"
He says, "Beerfuck."
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time.
I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer.
I chose a gorgeous tall slim redhead but before moving off to the rooms she stated that she wont work with anyone unless they are 10 inches.
Being a little embarrassed as you would be I asked her politely to sit back down.
I mean after all, no matter how hot they were I wasn't about to cut 2 inches of my manhood for anyone...
‘After making love, I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?”
And she said, “I don’t think this was good for anybody.”’
Garry Shandling
I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.
Q: Ever had sex while camping?
A: It's fucking intents.
She was hungry for love and didn’t know where her next male was coming from.
Do you like maths?
If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product.
So I gave him a magnifying glass!