Joke #3929

What’s a man’s definition of safe sex? Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.

What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.

When I arrived at a hotel in order to fill in my identities I noticed the word "sex" so I wrote: YES PLEASE.

How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up.

A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making. The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom. Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks. "Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready for you." "Okay" the man replies "I'll go get ready." He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands. "Who the f**k are you?" the man asks. "I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with." The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!" The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise. "Those little bastards!"

Is it still rape if you yell 'Surprise!' first?

Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!

Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.

What do you say to a virgin? Thanks for nothing!

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands. She whispers in his ear: "That’s me before the surgery."

Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.