A beautiful woman sits next to a drunk in a bar. He turns to her and says, ‘Hey, honey. How about you and me getting it on? I’ve got a couple of pounds and it looks like you could use the money.’ The woman turns to him and says, ‘What makes you think I charge by the inch?’
Men, don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.
Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
Why do men like having sex with the lights on? It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome
A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid? When you open her legs, the lights go on.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.