Joke #5421

Q:What did the black girl say while having sex? A:Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."

Girl: I get horny everytime I hear something sexual, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name? Me: Sir BJ Anal The 69th.

What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!

A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg? There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office. But she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a Ł100 if you let me have sex with you." But the girl said, "NO." Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for Ł200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The bastard used coins!"

Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.

How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.

Is it still rape if you yell 'Surprise!' first?

In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".