He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased. Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
"Hey, man! You didn't tell me why didn't you get through with the wedding!" "To tell you the truth... I'm thinking about your wife, all the time!" "WHAT? You PRICK!" "Chill out man... Don't get it wrong... I'm just afraid that I might end up having the same bad luck as you had...!"
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who’s been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don’t have enough ammo, mate!"
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”
Ladies, don’t forget the jumble sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.