Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he was stuck in the chicken.
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What do you say to a virgin?
Thanks for nothing!
Men are like vacations – they never seem to be long enough.
While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off.
A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish.
The man replys, "What about three?" The genie retorts " Look pal, I'm in a hurry, I've been cooped up in that damn lamp for. . ."
"OK, alright" the guy responds.
"Tell you what, I'm tired of paying for airplane tickets to Hawaii.
I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii."
This pisses the genie off.
He screams, "Hey, this isn't the movies. Your wish has to be practical."
"Do you know the engineering it would take to design that, the materials it would take, you'd have to compensate for plate techtonics, the continental shelf. . ."
"Geez" the guy responds, "Well, I'd really like to understand women."
The genie responds "Did you want two lanes or four?"
An old couple decide to get married after years of courting.
They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex.
‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée.
‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’
‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom.
‘Was that one word or two?’
The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’
The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"
After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Apparently, he’s trying to become a father again, even though he’s now 87.
And you have to admit that is an exceptionally low sperm count.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
‘He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.’
Les Dawson