Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he was stuck in the chicken.
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When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time.
I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer.
I chose a gorgeous tall slim redhead but before moving off to the rooms she stated that she wont work with anyone unless they are 10 inches.
Being a little embarrassed as you would be I asked her politely to sit back down.
I mean after all, no matter how hot they were I wasn't about to cut 2 inches of my manhood for anyone...
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!"
Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote:
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen.
The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her.
One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom.
Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence.
All three pronounced their loyalty.
That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers.
The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace.
He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine.
The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed.
The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished.
"Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
Condoms are not completely safe.
A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
"Name?"
"Abdul Aziz."
"Sex?"
"Three to five times a day."
"No, no... I mean male or female?"
"Yes, male, female, sometimes camel."
"Holy cow!"
"Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general."
"But isn't that hostile?"
"Horse style, doggy style, any style!"
"Oh dear!"
"No, no! Deer run too fast..."
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".
Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said.
Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door bell rang.
The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!