Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience. Between five it’s fantastic!’ Woody Allen
"Name?" "Abdul Aziz." "Sex?" "Three to five times a day." "No, no... I mean male or female?" "Yes, male, female, sometimes camel." "Holy cow!" "Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general." "But isn't that hostile?" "Horse style, doggy style, any style!" "Oh dear!" "No, no! Deer run too fast..."
‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’ George Burns
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
I wish my girlfriend had warned me about the ceiling mirror in her bedroom. I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming – I’d looked up and thought I was being attacked by a naked skydiver.
Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back." Jonny: "That's what she said." Miss: "Get out!" Jonny "She said that too."
How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
A teacher was telling her students about human anatomy in a sex education class. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of a male and a female. "The female has two breasts and one vagina. The male has one penis." A little boy in the front row jumped up and said that the teacher was wrong. "My daddy has two penises. He has a short one that he pees with and a long one that he brushes Mommy's teeth with!"
My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product. So I gave him a magnifying glass!