Condoms are not completely safe.
A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
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YO MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT FIRED FROM A BL*W JOB.
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".
Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said.
Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door bell rang.
The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!
Man to vicar: ‘Do you approve of sex before marriage?’
Vicar: ‘Not if it delays the service.’
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican?
A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face!
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
The teacher had given the class an assignment.
He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family.
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
I could never fight a gay guy.
I don't know how to start.
"I'm gonna beat your ass...
I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up