Why do men like having sex with the lights on?
It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
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Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
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I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...
Nigel, a college student is talking to a friend.
‘Y’ know,’ he says.
‘I think my room-mate is queer.’ ‘Why d’you say that?’ asks the student.
‘Well,’ replies Nigel.
‘Every time I kiss him goodnight he shuts his eyes.’
I'm like happy meal.
"Coz you are small and pretty?"
"No, coz I always c*m with a toy inside.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex.
His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"
His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
Gorgonzola!
Wait, it is not on yet.