Why do men like having sex with the lights on?
It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69.
And she said, "No, but I have done 53 that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"I think my privates are too small." he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused.
"Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.
He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc.
"No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received.
My penis is now 235 feet long.
Vote:
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’
Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’
One night, a couple is in the bed and the husband smoothly caresses their wife's arm... the wife is turned and she tells him:
I'm sorry but I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to be fresh.
The husband, rejected, turns back to his bed side and tries to sleep...
Some minutes later it turns again and it uncovers her wife again, he whispers to her:
Have you an appointment with the dentist tomorrow too?
A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite.
‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk.
‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’