Why do men like having sex with the lights on?
It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
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The teacher had given the class an assignment.
He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family.
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband.
Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling."
The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
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I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!"
Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
Vaginas are like weather.
When it's wet, it's time to go inside.
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
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