Why do men like having sex with the lights on?
It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
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I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems.
This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!
I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night.
I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad. I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."
He said, "I'm not."
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A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!
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"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
"I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
Steve Martin
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Q: How do you make four old ladies say "FUCK!"?
A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!"
George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them.
George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon".
Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
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