A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks:
Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg?
There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
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A man is in a hotel lobby.
He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?
He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.
A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!
Vote:
The was a man named George who got a new job.
His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday.
They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning.
George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00.
He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again.
He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round.
This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are.
Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win.
What is up with that?''
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife.
If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed.
If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
Vote:
What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
Her feet.