A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite.
‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk.
‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
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Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
- You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
- If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
- The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
- You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some.
- 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
- If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
- It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure.
- You can do the whole neighborhood.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around!
An old man goes to his doctor and says, ‘Can you give me something to lower my sex drive.’
The doctor replies, ‘I would have thought at your age it’s all in the mind,’
‘It is,’ agrees the old man.
‘That’s why I want it lower.’
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
Vote:
What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.
Q: What do you call a cat that wants to have sex?
A: freak.
Vote:
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on.
The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him.
"What you staring at, old man?
Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?"
"Yeah. I screwed a parrot once.
I was wondering if you were my son?"
‘Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.’
Fred Allen