A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?" Woman: "No." Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.” “That is right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked. “Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.” “Correct,” replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?” “Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”
An old couple returning from florida cross the border. The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US. the man answers no. the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?". the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything". the customs agent asks the man where he is from. the man answers "toronto". the man's wife says "what did he say?" the man tells his wife "he wanted to know where we were from. the agent says to the man " i was in toronto once, i had the worst sex ever in my life in toronto." the man's wife says "what did he say?" the husband tells his wife "he thinks he knows you dear."
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom. Because he never f*cks up.
What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her feet.