Joke #3976

Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game. But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now." Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole." "My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must've been terrible!" "It was," he said. "All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."

A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge on the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late. "Where were you? I was worried sick." "It was such nice day, I decided to walk."

Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.

Q: What do you get when you cross an alligator with a road runner? A: A 100 mph nigger eater.

Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? A: The big hand touches the little one.

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a worthless idiot' is it?'' Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your parents."

Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!