Joke #3976

Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.

Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer? A: Chelsea.

My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing. But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work. He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa. So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind. After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head. His wife yells, ''What was that for!?'' To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''

One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."

Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."

Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator? A: The elevator can raise a child.

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed. When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job. Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!