So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Two old friends met by chance on the street. After chatting for some time, one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me." The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"
A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore. The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?" "Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife. "Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
Why is Cinderella such a bad football player? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete? He ran a bath and came in second.
You know who's mad at Kobe? Every other player in the NBA. You know why? Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring. Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum. Cause you know how women are, man. Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"