Joke #11517

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!

After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge. As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed. Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!" A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!" I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."

Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.

Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.

There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.

Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."

Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.

There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

I kind a feel sorry for Hitler. Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."