You WILL be a winner today.
Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Man returning with his wife from guests.
Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife.
But there is only one problem, how to explain that to the policeman?
Always be yourself, unless you can be Chuck Norris, then always be Chuck Norris.
Vote:
A Ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food."
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
1st Eskimo: "Where did your mother come from?"
2nd Eskimo: "Alaska."
1st Eskimo: "Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!"
A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?"
The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?"
And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now."
I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it!
You never know when you might need a nail.
A spaceman landed on the moon.
To his surprise he saw ahead of him a little shop, with the name above it: "MORRIE COHEN, BESPOKE TAILORS."
Curious, he went into the shop.
A surprised looking man appeared behind the counter. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I’m a spaceman," replied the spaceman.
The man closed his eyes, and slapped his own cheek with one hand.
"Cutters, I asked for. And they send me spacemen!"
There was an old married couple who love each other very much.
But each morning as he was waking up the husband let out a huge nasty wet fart with his wife right in the bed next to him.
The wife always says "One day you're going to fart your guts out if you don't stop."
Then one day the wife snapped she won't take it anymore and she got up extra early when downstairs and got the guts out of a turkey and put it in the bed behind.
She went back downstairs to wait and then she heard the loud disgusting fart all the way down the stairs and then she hears nothing for a long while.
Just as she's about to go upstairs and check on her husband he comes stomping down the steps and he says "Honey you were right after I get my guts out but with the grace of God and these two fingers I managed to shove them back up there again."