You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather? A. Drizzle
A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life. The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood." So god turned him into a maxi pad.
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?" Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.
Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the bell, and waits for the receptionist to come out. He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"