You want to come in my life, the door is open.
You want to get out of my life, the door is open.
Just one request.
Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
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The man pulled over to the side of the road when he saw the police lights in his rear view mirror.
“How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asked the officer.
“Oh, no!” screamed the man, jumping out of the car.
“Calm down, it isn’t that serious.” said the officer.
“Wait’ll my family finds out.”
“Where’s your family?”
“They’re in the trailer that was hitched to the car!”
Justin Bieber puked on stage.
That settles it, she's pregnant.
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Vote:
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?"
Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
Big inspection on a build site/yard.
The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual.
The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses.
-(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
How do you caculate the population of Russia?
You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.
A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."
"Knock Knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Europe."
"Europe who?"
"No you're a poo."
Where are you going for vacation this year?
I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.
The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.
The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing?
Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear."
"I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says.
"I just need to outrun you."