Joke #4872

I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then voice in my head says: "Haha nice one!" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.

Yesterday I tried to catch fog. Mist.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.

Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ? Doctor: I deal with you later.

What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight. A black eye, and a swollen lip.

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?

What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.

A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"