I wish my girlfriend had warned me about the ceiling mirror in her bedroom.
I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming – I’d looked up and thought I was being attacked by a naked skydiver.
Similar jokes
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Men and women can be friends without any sex involved.
It's called marriage.
Condoms are not completely safe.
A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex?
Girl: A threesome
Boy: What's it called when two people have sex?
Girl: A twosome
Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome
‘During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me.
Just the other night she called me from a hotel.’
Rodney Dangerfield
Yo mama's so fat when she is having sex, her partner doesen't know if it's in her butt or her boobs.
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex.
The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying.
"You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother.
The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation.
After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy.
As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room.
Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump.
The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole.
Just really going to town on it.
The father screams "What the hell are you doing?"
The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
Two sperms.
The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?"
The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
Vote:
A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash.
‘What?!’ shouts the assistant.
‘Come again?!’
‘No!’ shouts back the woman.
‘This time it’s mustard!’
A dick has a sad life.
His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.