I wish my girlfriend had warned me about the ceiling mirror in her bedroom.
I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming – I’d looked up and thought I was being attacked by a naked skydiver.
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‘I’m a bad lover.
Once I caught a peeping Tom booing me.’
Rodney Dangerfield
What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!
Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: Boo-bees.
I think you’ll find that any of my lady companions will tell you I’m a ‘five times a night man’.
I really shouldn’t drink so much tea before I go to bed.
Son: "What's love juice daddy?"
Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?"
Son: "Wimbledon."
Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men?
It changes their blood type.
In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another.
But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order.
So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did…
After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife:
"You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!"
The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband…
The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!"
The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation.
“You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah
“I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”