I tried some of that aphrodisiac rhino horn and it really worked.
I’m really beginning to fancy those rhinos now.
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A man and woman are lying in bed after a disappointing bout of sex.
‘You’ve got a very small organ,’ says the woman.
The man replies, ‘Well I didn’t know I’d be playing in the Albert Hall.’
Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom.
There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
How can you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
A tourist in Sweden is drinking in a bar when an attractive woman sits next to him.
‘Hello,’ he says.
‘Do you speak English?’
‘Oh I speaking not much English,’ replies the woman.
‘How much?’ asks the man.
The woman replies, ‘200 Kroner.’
There are three types of sex in a marriage.
The first one is Kitchen Sex.
This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen.
The second type is Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom.
The third type of sex is Hallway Sex.
This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, "Screw you."
But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex.
This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.
An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day.
The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever.
People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground."
The banana says "You think thats bad?
People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor."
The penis laughs. "You guys have it easy.
You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs.
When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble".
When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"
"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Why are black peoples eyes red after sex?
Pepper spray.
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