Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.
But she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a Ł100 if you let me have sex with you."
But the girl said, "NO."
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend...
So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for Ł200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The bastard used coins!" 
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What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
What is 6.9?
A great thing ruined by a period.
Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men?
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen
Did you hear about the transvestite who wanted a night on the town?
He wanted to eat, drink and be Mary.
How do girls get minks?
The same way minks get minks.
Son: "What's love juice daddy?"
Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?"
Son: "Wimbledon."
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!
They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book.
He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies
"I only ever touched one with my index finger."
He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates."
He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis."
She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."
He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate."
Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way.
ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?"
The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom?
Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.
Vote:
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs.
When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble".
When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"