Joke #4164

How do you join the police? Handcuff them together.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: cop

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A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, wife
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cop
Two undercover police officers assigned to the organized crime unit were overlooking a bloody mob hit scene. The victim had six gun shot wounds to the back of the head. One cop looks at the other and utters, "Worst case of suicide I've ever seen."
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: cop
How does an LA policeman go fishing? He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.
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has 73.10 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: cop, fish
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, wife
One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t. So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a s**t in his hat. He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it. He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man. He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat. The guy said, "It's a hurt bird." The police officer said, "Let me see the bird." The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away." The police officer said, "Let me see the bird." The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away." They kept that up for about five minutes. Then the police officer got mad and asked him one more time. "Take your hand away and I will reach in really fast and the bird won't fly away!" The guy said, "Alright." And he slowly removed his hand. The police officer reached in and grabbed a handful of s**t and asked the man, "What is this?" The man replied, "You scared the s**t out of the bird."
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has 80.15 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: cop
The cops must be after you, because it's illegal to look that good.
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has 17.55 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: cop
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: cop, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle.
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: cop