Joke #4169

Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong? Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!

Teacher: You boy, what’s your name? Boy: Mickey Jones. Teacher: We’ll call you Jones here. We don’t use first names. Boy: My dad won’t like that – he takes offence if people take the Mickey out of my name.

Teacher: Ramu, why do you always get so dirty? Ramu: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: “What is the usual tip?” “Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.” “Is that so?” snorted Larry. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.” “Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.” “What are you studying in school?” asked Larry. The lad smiled and said: “Applied psychology.”

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.

It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!" The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten." And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"

Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!

Q: Why was the wizard kicked out of school. A: Because he forgot how to spell.

The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.

At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny's class. Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad. To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him. "Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military. The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military. The Marine Corps is a cult. The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'." So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?" Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation. Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other." By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did. "What did you do in the military, dad?" "Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."