Joke #4169

Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong? Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!

Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says ‘chew chew chew’.

A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh," she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him. "So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."

One day in class, the teacher says: "Joe, 'I read, you read' what tense is that?" "Simple Lost tense!"

Five friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to College until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to an Old age home in the nearest town to spend some time with aged people for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was the easiest question in their entire syllabus. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

Teacher: Students draw a picture of bacteria. Student: Here it is Mam! Teacher: Where? It Is Blank. Student: you told that bacteria cannot be seen with naked eye!

Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.

Little Johnny's father farted. The son asked his father: "What was that?" His father said: "My sweet that is 'north wind'" When he went to school the teacher asked the class: "Who knows the direction of the north wind? Little Johnny shouted: "My daddy's ass!"

Q: What is long and hard to a blonde? A: Fourth grade.

Little Johnny is sitting in class, the teacher is going over vocabulary words. She asks the class to use a word in a sentence. The teacher says the word is "contagious". Johnny is waving his arm up and down, no other students have their arm up. The teacher figures there is no way Johnny can come up something rude for this word, and she calls his name to use the word in a sentence. Johnny says the other day, my dad and I were driving down the freeway and woman was painting a billboard, she was using a very small brush. The teacher says "what does this have to do the word contagious?" Johnny says "my dad turned to me and said: 'Son it is going to take that "cunt-ages" to paint that billboard with that little brush!'" The teacher says, "never again!"