Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong?
Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!
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How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None, Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
Mother: Come on Pete you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for the college.
Peter: O mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
Peter: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 52 and you are the Principal!
School is like a boner, long and hard.
Unless you're Asian...
Little Johnny came home after school:
"Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language."
"Why?" asked his father.
"Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?"
"How come what Mary is? A whore, of course," said the father.
"That's what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."
Vote:
The first of September, first lesson. Teacher:
"Please sit quietly, if you want to ask something - raise your hand."
Little Johnny immediately raises his hand.
"You want to ask something?"
"No. Just checking how the system works."
Vote:
Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
“Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.”
“Yes, sir,” the boys said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “‘It’s because yer feet ain’t empty.”
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
Chad: Why do magicians do so well in school?
Josh: I don’t know. Why?
Chad: They’re good at trick questions.
Student: "Sir, can I ask a question?"
Teacher: "Yes!"
Student: "How do you put an elephant inside a fridge?"
Teacher: "I don't know."
Student: "It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in. I have another question!"
Teacher: "Ok, ask."
Student: "How to put a donkey inside the fridge?"
Teacher: "It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in."
Student: "No sir, You just open the fridge take out the elephant and put it in."
Teacher: "Ooh...ok!!"
Student: "Let me ask another one. If all the animals went to the lion's birthday party, and one animal went missing which one would it be?"
Teacher: "The lion of course! Because it wud eat all the animals."
Student: "No sir, it is the donkey becoz it's still inside the fridge."
Teacher: "Are you kidding me?"
Student: "No sir, 1 last question."
Teacher: "Ok!"
Student: "If there's a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to cross, how would you?"
Teacher: "There's no way, I would need a boat to cross."
Student: "No sir, you just swim and cross it because all the animals went to the lion's birthday party..."
Teacher: "I have my own question, if all the students come to school except one person, who is the person..."
Student: "No idea sir..."
Teacher: "It's you because you are on two weeks suspension."