Joke #4171

A man orders a pint of beer, notices it tastes sour and complains to the barman. ‘What are you moaning about?’ says the barman. ‘You’ve only got a pint of that rubbish, I’ve got three barrels full.’

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There's clearly room for more wine.

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

Q: What’s the difference between men and pigs? A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !

A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.

A guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks: "Hey do you know, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, Kung Fu or any of that sh*t?" Offended the Asian man replies: "What you think that just because I'm asian I know martial arts?" The man replies: "Nah its because you're drinking my f*cking bourbon"

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies "I don't know but its driving me nuts".

"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!"

A grasshopper walks into a pub, pulls up a stool, and orders beer. The bartender gives him a mug and says, "you know, we have a drink named after you." And the grasshopper replies, "you have a drink named Bob?"