Joke #4690

She only drinks to forget she drinks.
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.
Vote: has 34.87 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Vote: has 77.23 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bill looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Bill asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Bill asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"
Vote: has 85.27 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drug, love, marriage, time
He’s donating his body to science. And he’s preserving it in alcohol until they can use it.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You ever cut your grass and found a car. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'. You own a homemade fur coat. The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can get dog hair from out of your belly button. The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction. People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Vote: has 27.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, car, drunk, kids, wife
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day." "Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay." The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!" On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
Vote: has 30.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, new year
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you". She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking" I said, "It's me...I'm talking to the beer"!
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol