An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium.
When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’
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Q: What's the best way of investing your money?
A: Alcohol, where else do you get 40%?
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?
A: Marijuana
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.
Uncle Harry is very rich.
His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with.
‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’
Douglas Adams
Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices.
His vehicles run on fear.
Vote:
Where do bees keep their money?
In a honey box.
Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.
If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.
Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"