What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
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Q: What comes before 8?
A: My school bus usually.
You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate.
So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives:
moving back in with your parents.
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Three boys are walking home from school and they see a naked woman.
One of them runs away the other two stay to watch.
The next day they are walking home from school and they see the naked woman again, and again the same boy runs away.
Another day later they are walking home and they see the naked woman again, as the boy tries to run away the other boys grab him and ask, "What are you gay or something don't you like looking at naked women?"
He replied, "Yeah, I love looking at naked women but my mom said that if I see one I'll turn into stone and I feel something starting to get hard."
Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?”
Boy: “Not a bit!”
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils.
One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field.
Julia approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said that she was.
Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself.
Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?'
The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion.
Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?'
'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
"Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."
Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home.
“The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the
father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”
A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says: "Here's a pill for English literature."
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature.
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks: "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replies, "Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow."