Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.
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"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year."
"Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
There are three types of sex in a marriage.
The first one is Kitchen Sex.
This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen.
The second type is Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom.
The third type of sex is Hallway Sex.
This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, "Screw you."
But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex.
This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home.
When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."
When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."
Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.
When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
simple
it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!!
I had two women in my bed the other day.
I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life.
After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper.
A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately.
On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy.
When she entered the room she stood steal...
She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room.
"But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked.
"Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband.
Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling."
The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."